I Have A Big Heart

I have a big heart

But people with big hearts don’t live long

I’m a nice person

But people who are nice are often cowards

Or so I hear

I have a big dream

It is unrecognizable to many people

And perfectly accurate to the rare few

I have a big inspiration

It hits like a thunderbolt and I go to pieces

Trying to change it into art

I have a big heart

But people with big hearts don’t live long

The Suicide Center

You try

And when you die

I’ll laugh

And you’ll know why

We can’t have that here

At the suicide center

Here to get help

To read the pamphlets

Not hang from the rafters

Or drink poison in the garden

You try

And when you die

I’ll laugh

And you’ll know why

We can’t have that here

At the suicide center

There are plenty of us

Who want to go

But should we go all together

Like lemmings

Over a cliff

Or get help

Help ourselves

Help each other

You try

And when you die

I’ll laugh

And you’ll know why

We can’t have that here

At the suicide center

The Toast Was To The Stars

It’s toxic

I don’t know how

But the poison came out

And in the end I killed our relationship with the truth

The amount of honesty I was prepared for

Shattered all hope of love

And I left you when you were done rejecting me

My heart all open

Love in me was a love of detail

Of precision

Of actuality

With nothing to go on

Perhaps a few scraps from books you didn’t trust in the first place

I was left speechless

Not understanding life

And then having to express an understanding of it

That was always trumped by your crappier version

And in the dying candlelight of our love

The toast was to the stars

To the nature we saw as ours

And the potion

The staring into each others eyes

As a little life dies

Almost A Fool

You’re almost a fool

Almost a genius

You just make the grade

But have to lower the bar

Your obstacle others don’t have

It sits like a giant birth mark in your mind

A distress

A blackened part of memory bound with pain

And you don’t know what it is

Why can’t I find the answer you ask

And look lost

Is there no answer

Over the trees you float in dreams

In a helicopter

Dropping down into the most beautiful ravines

And gorgeous scenes

Awaking to idiocy

To grumpiness

To arrogance

To the morning hatred of life

And simplicity of resentment

Leave Me Be

I punch you in the belly and say “go self”

Leave me be

I don’t need an echo

A follower

A cardboarder

I take you out of me and cut your head off

Slit your wrists and drown you

I try to put a bullet through you

But you are immaterial

You are ghost

You are soul

You are ego

You are me

And when the hurt is so big

That I stand there

Looking at you

At me

And am revolted

And am in hatred

I find my life this way wasted

This way faceless

And informal

A twin

A brother

A side of me

That says “why bother?”

A reflection

A mimic

A memory of me

Reflecting surreal

Repeating and mirroring

Echoing down infinities

And points of forever